Inviting Painful Emotions

Life is as colorful as we make it; we can be feeling pink one day with our bank balances comfortably settled in the black and the grass seemingly no greener on the other side of the fence. Probably out of the blue, a tiresome treason makes us see the red, turn ashen white and even purple with rage. Yes, controlling our assorted emotions is just as how we sway our brush on the canvas with devotion.

“So in order to control emotions should we invite the throbbing part of it?”

During the states of emotional intensity, we begin to panic. An over rushed of emotions that we will feel this way for the rest of our lives, make our heart sore. This is expressed by thoughts such as

1.     I hate feeling this way.

2.     I wish this feeling would end.

3.     Why do I have to feel like this?

Isn’t it obvious none of us want these painful emotions to pierce through our innocent hearts? But, don’t you want to try something different? Rather than wishing for it to go away at the peak of its intensity, invite them in and reconnoitre them, explore them; are they stagnant or do they have an easy on the eye pattern? Let’s begin these four steps for a better understanding.

1.     Notice the feeling that you are feeling.

Pay attention to your emotional state. If you are irritated, notice it and say it out loud to yourself “I am feeling irritated.” Identifying the feeling is the most rigid part but once that is intertwined then it’s easy to further breathe! Are there any accompanying thoughts along with your emotional state? Such as, blame thoughts “they always get on my nerves” or self-blame thoughts “I am a terrible person.” Heed these thoughts and then pause!

2.     Pause. Breathe.

Take a closer look to deep breathing.

3.     Take a walk into your emotional tune:

Cognizance where the painful emotion is located in your body. Belly? Chest? Throat? Tune into it even more once it has been identified. Does the feeling leave your body tingly or tight?

4.     Stagnant or Moving:

Is the feeling stuck or is it constantly changing and providing a different painful sensation each time? Does it feel graze when it changes from one feeling to another? If the feeling is moving, notice the to and fro of that weak emotion.

When these steps are taken into consideration, it is then we notice our emotional states. These painful emotions aren’t stagnant, they constantly keep moving. They can be dark one minute and light the next, varying in the location of our body. If it feels impossible in the moment to tune into the physical sensations during gut-wrenching situations then, just having the awareness and knowledge that the feeling will change eventually can bring comfort.

“Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion, will one day become a reality.”

Parenting Affects a Child's Personality

Humans don’t enter the world with a developed personality springing forth from their genes. Rather, babies enter the world with just a temperament which is later formed into a personality with experiences at school, with friends, siblings and most of all, by parents. Developmental Psychology says not all kids are affected by good/bad parenting in the same way. Some are less affected while others are emotionally harmed by their care taker’s behavior.

“The kids born 1995-2010 have the stormiest inner lives at stake in family dynamics. Why?”

The awareness of parenting became popular after 2010 where parents realized its importance. Parenting style has a big impact on how children, particularly adolescence develop into adults. Let’s discuss the parenting styles and their implications for successful children and leaders.

1   Authoritarian - Rules and Dominating:

Establishing control over the child. Punitive and likely believes in the ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ technique. Children here lack social and communication skills that are important for #leadership.

“It’s either my way or the highway!”

If the parent said no, it means no! The main focus is on only punishments. The parent enforces the once made rule consequence on the child with very little regard of his opinion. Their children tend to have the maximum self-esteem issues since their opinions aren’t valued. With emotions of aggressiveness, some of them become good liars to avoid punishments.

1   Uninvolved  - No Engagement:

Parents here don’t engage in their parenting role; they ideally hire a babysitter for their kids. Their children later have difficulty following rules due to lack of adherence in their upbringing. With little to no communication skills and self-control results in behavior problems.

“Parents don’t devote time or energy to their children.”

Along with the deficit of the knowledge about child development with simply being overwhelmed about issues such as work, paying bills and managing the household. Their children lack self-esteem with behavioral problems and low happiness.

1    Authoritative and Permissive- Warmth and Interaction:

A parent with being a ‘friend for life’ zone. They provide great deal of communication with few rules and restrictions. Their children muster in creativity, it also creates a once-sided interpersonal relationship where the indulgent parent is more willing to take then give.

“Encouraging the child to be more open”

But they won’t discourage the child for making poor choices. Children with such parenting struggle with academics with behavioral problems since brought up with no authority or rules. They also tend to have low self-esteem with a depressed state of mind.

“With an attitude of kids will be kids, the permissive parent begins his parenting journey.”

Parenting can fit into multiple categories, there are times where one tends to be permissive and then there are other times where being authoritative does the job. A child’s personality depends on how adroitly the parenting is done.

“Maintaining a positive relationship along with establishing authority in a healthy manner does the job!”

Self-Care Beats Negative Emotions Anywhere

For many people, the concept of self-love conjures images of tree-hugging or cheesy self-help books. But Psychology says, self-love and compassion are key for mental health and well-being, keeping depression and anxiety at shore. In this blog we shall take a look at some of the things that you can do to nurture this core idea.

When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you aren’t saying ‘no’ to yourself. That’s self-care. When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings you joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.

Taking care of ones emotions nourishes the soul. But for most of us, these things aren’t written in the layman language. Why is it that even though we know that it is important to take care of ourselves, we can’t find the time or energy to do it?

A major issue that we face is time. Being overloaded with work results in zero time to pamper ourselves. Remember how the airlines guide us before the take-off; put your own oxygen mask before you try and help others? Similarly, before guiding others to light, motivating them and lifting their spirits, we need to see where our spiritual energy stands. We can never be useful when our negative emotions are beating around the bush.

Mindful ways of promoting self-care?

-         Breathing Exercises

-         Walking

-         Enough Sleep

-         Eating Healthy

-         Talking to People

-         Being Self-Aware

However humans are different and what might suit one may not suit another.

Self-care could simply mean taking 30 minutes to sit down with a coffee and some lunch of doing nothing. Humans have become dignified machines, we work and work and work until the final epilogue, unable to switch off during the day.

“I will stop when I finish this piece of work…”

Have you stopped and thought that before you finish this piece, another urgent one pops up! There is no end to work. Then why fill your subconscious with self-punishment? By dusk, you might have a headache and suffer irritation, creating another negative impact on your mind and body.

Loving oneself simply means finding happiness in the smallest entities; being awake at 5:30 in the morning to watch the sunrise, or staying up till 1:30 am gazing at the stars, hearing your best friend laugh or finishing the favorite book that you took forever to pick up and read and most importantly finding spiritual energy in the nature itself.

“Negative emotions are like waves, you can’t stop them from feeling, but you can choose which ones to surf.”

Travel, run, read a book, do bungee-jumping, meditate, dance, watch Netflix and chill. Do anything that will clear your head and energize you with bullish thoughts, cleanses your soul and makes you believe that there is so much to thrive for in the world because, self-care beats negative emotions anywhere!

Individual Attention in Schools

Far too many students sit in one classroom, receiving no attention at all. Too many students’ together is a distraction, making it difficult for the teacher to communicate individually. With one-on-one interaction students learn faster, master more material and remember their course work with true love for learning. Students later take control over their studies, have confidence to communicate and receive the personalized attention that will enable them to succeed.

But is it the teacher’s fault for little/no individual attention in schools?

The larger the class, the more difficult it is to manage the students. A large group of preschoolers require a set of teaching strategies divergent to a large group of Business English learners. But the group doesn’t matter! Each and every student deserves attention for a better learning process. It’s hardly about spending time with each of them, it’s more about the things that adds up while the two of you bond with the training culture. Let’s discuss what can be done to enhance this relationship.

1.   Arrive Early and Chat

“Just 5 to 10 minutes chat before class keep students relaxed.”

Those who arrive early get a chance to speak without competing with the rest of the crowd. Moreover, it develops an informal bond; both student and teacher get to know each other better. 

2.     Don’t forget to smile

“Give a smile when a student raises their hand or after you see them come into the classroom, which assures acknowledgment.”

A student is more than just a body who has entered class and occupied a space and a smile crosses paths just to show them that.

3.     List out their first names

“Try to remember their first names and make sure to always address them that way.”

Instead of asking a question to the entire class, call out a name. This way you will always have individual attention.

4.     Give Undivided Attention

“If students wish to speak give them few minutes at the end of each class.”

Give full undivided attention when they speak; such that you are hanging onto every word that they express.

5.     Dialogues, Warmers, Ice-breakers

“Starting the class with an ice-breaker can connect students on a personal level.”

Talking about GK can be a good ice-breaker, talking about the weekend could be another warm plan.

6.     Remember their Qualities

“Difficult to remember a large class but, this remembrance can help the student feel better.”

Each student has a different quality, some play instruments and some love football. Remembering even one of their qualities can be very overwhelming for the student-teacher relationship.

7.     Highlight Individual Strengths

“Make students aware of their strengths and of what they are contributing to the class.”

If their assignments were impressive, make them read it out loud in class or rotate the assignments and mention something good which each one has done.

8.     Use their Likes and Taste

“Young students are fond of Netflix series and Dominos.”

Include Netflix/Pop-culture references in class to connect with them. This way, individually connection will enhance.

9.     Update the ones Absent

“Students who have been absent, update them with all the study information needed.”

If absentees don’t understand the subject they missed, offer them additional resources; extra classes.

10.   Use their knowledge to your advantage

“Sometimes the students end up teaching in a way that it touches a teacher’s heart.”

Even students are capable of teaching in ways that even they don’t know. Keep believing in each of them and keep lifting their spirits.

When the right strategies and techniques are put in place, the students will feel they are the only ones there! Let them take turns in the spotlight, and they will never feel they are just another name in the list. 

Adulting; Shift and Twist of Emotions

Throughout the age of #adolescence, we often dream about what life would be like in our 20’s. Just the idea of staying up late with no obligation to anybody, got us rolled over to fast forward even more to “that” day.

When finally the D-Day arrived, we were out on our own! The rent, renters, utilities, insurance, groceries, gas, car insurance, doctor visits turned out to be more than just names, starring right on our faces. We did not have this in mind all those years when we kept planning our beloved 20’s.

Bet you have texted your parents: “#adultingishard. The pressure is too much. What happened to my paycheck?” You must have seen “adulting is hard” all over the social media platforms:

1.     Adulting is hard. No reward when I make my bedroom tidy.

2.     Chai, because adulting is hard.

3.     I stay up late for no reason. Adulting is hard.

Author of #EmergingAdulthood Jeffrey Jensen Arnett says, this young adult is never alone. All of us find #adulting in our 20’s difficult, creating a bit of anxiety for our parents who are ever-ready for us to take on more responsibilities. 30 has become the new 20 folks! A period where exploration and instability hits the trends, to try out all kinds of things before we settle down.

Parents who are eagerly waiting for their young adults to launch a rocket wonder, “What happened?”

But things have changed, our time has evolved! Years ago #adulthood caught sight as a big achievement. People craved for the stability this phase provided. 50 years later? It has become a stagnation. A generation full of wonder, we are composed of contradictions of light and darkness mixed.

Are you still reading further and freaking out? Breathe! Since we are a spontaneous generation, we eventually gain control over our routine but just a bit later than expected.

Reason being why early 20’s are overwhelming is because we go from having spoon-fed everything to feeling all alone while we manage to pick the adult routine. Moreover, we are so hungover from our college adventures that we tend to complicate life after that. The ones in their early 20’s can easily testify that adulting is hard, but it also comes with a payback of freedom, adventures and challenges.

Working against human nature disrupts human emotions. We tend to always focus on the shiny thing that is in front of us, so adulting for us often means taking the long view for a long run: saving for retirement, taking vitamins, doing cardio but again, as the name insinuates it also simplifies the process of growing up! 

“Adulting strikes the minute one trades dependence for independence and self-centeredness for community.”

From the school bench to the college dorm room, we are all trying to figure out our passion to life but once you realize that not everything has to be a solved puzzle right away, the mental paralysis retires. Uncertainty drives anxiety. Graduation is the time of life with greatest indecision: Will I have a stable career? Will I find a right partner? When? Who? Where will I live? Which of my friendships will survive the transition? Well guess what:

“Uncertainty leaves us with either of the two options; we increase our certainty or we get better at accepting our uncertainty. Adulting requires both.”

Endings and New Beginnings

Be it a new job, a new relationship, or a change of city or country, a new beginning always signifies a beautiful ending.

Instance, commitment into a new relationship would mean the end of your days being single but, it would also confer your days filled with love and affection. A change in job would feel like both daunting and exciting; a part of you would miss the security of the old job but at the same time the other part of you will always uphold powerful opportunities.

 What occurs into your mind when you think of an ending?

Sadness, regret or loss? Endings usher to an inevitable change; there might be a feel of reluctant towards change and other times you might embrace the new beginning.

How humans view #change depends on how well the element of control has been established. If the control has been clutched away from you, then you are bound to take the end as a loss. Migrating from one country to another; it is an end to a new beginning but, at that point of time this fact doesn’t strike too well with your emotions. Suggestion?

 “Dig deep! You will realize that this change and a new onset that was indeed to make room for new culture, job, relations, habits and much more.”

Change will take time; acceptance is the key! Try not to fight your emotions during that phase. Give yourself time to grieve, rage and rant. Once you have accepted that such emotions won’t be with you forever, embrace the change and start fresh.

Anything is better than clinging onto the idea of the fear of what the end might bring. Scenarios will play out in loops, you will be unsure about what you feel. Far down even you know that the ending is what you need. #Fear will always hold you back; making the wrong decision, the unknown, emotions that may arise from the decision and leaping out of the comfort zone will build anxiety all over your body.

“View the change as the path that wasn’t for you.”

Humans are easily adapted to habits. A slight change can disrupt our mood on the go. Starting a new routine can feel petrifying; the fact that change makes us deal with overwhelming emotions is what we fear and avoid most.

Ending also means that we have to rethink our identity; while situations end, the sense to explore oneself becomes higher. People take time to explore this aspect, hence a feeling of ‘lost’ and cast drift is natural.

No matter how lost and wrecked you feel with your change, it all gets better. No emotions are forever; both good and bad. Nothing is permanent, be it the contended emotion that you are in now or even the one that you wish to change. Haven’t you gone through a cargo full of changes throughout your life? Didn’t you live to tell the tale? Some endings have been for the best, but think about how much you have grown and learnt from these changes.

 “Reflect your past changes. Emerge and begin because change will always be your constant companion.”

Importance of practicing empathy in life

Our Indian philosophy is very rich in terms of the deep knowledge that it provides. It talks about the “Advaita” which means to identify and understand the self-worth with the ground reality of life. Even though it talks about Advaita that is self-worth but it gladly offers us the importance of practicing empathy in life.  We Indians are strong followers of empathy.

   

What is the difference between empathy and sympathy? Sympathy is something which we show to another person when he or she is going through any difficult situation. It is the way to make that person understand that he or she is not alone and we all are there for him or her and feel bad for his or her situation.

  

But empathy is totally a different thing and we should know what it is exactly before practicing it in life. Empathy is to feel, to understand and to know the situation of another person by stepping into their shoes.  Empathy is truly an amazing ability to understand the feelings of another person.

Do you know that there are three kinds of empathy in Psychology? So, when we talk about empathy we actually talk about three things at the same time.

1. Cognitive empathy

2. Social empathy

3. Empathetic concern

These three areas are really important and each one of them has something to offer to a sensitive mind.

   

Empathy has the power to heal another person’s wound. Empathy is a tender way to deal with the people who are at their worse stage of life. When you try this therapy, you would realize that you are working as a healer for that person. It is very soothing feeling to know that you are the source of healing for someone. For this, you don’t need to have money or asset, you just have to have a caring heart and pure soul, which everyone has and just needs to improve this ability by allowing themselves to be genuine in life. After all, the one who can heal the world has the power to change it.

Impediment to the action advances action

                                         

Many a times we hear that ups and downs are part of professional as well as personal life. Even if the ECG is in a straight line then you are dead. All these things are true and have been attracting many people since many years. But what attracted the most successful people is Stoic Philosophy.  It is the Philosophy which was coined or founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3^rd Century. There are a lot of things which can be achieved by following this Philosophy. Today we will talk about the first terminology of this Philosophy and that says, “Impediment to the action advances action.”

      In the journey of our professional life, we face many twists and turns. Many of us quit, while many of us fight in such situations. But if you concentrate on minute things, you will realize that whichever twists and turns have arose while achieving something, you have always tried a lot to find a way out. Even if you quit, you tried a whole lot of things before quitting. Those impediments in the way of your career have taught you actually how to act rather we can say; these impediments initiated another action which led you to the point of success, where you are today.

    Many a times you must have felt like everything has stopped working, the world around you has just stopped moving and you have nothing left in your hands. You must have felt sometime in your life that everything was wonderful yesterday and today everything has just changed a lot. That time just take a deep breath and make yourself understand that this is the warm up session for next big achievement in your life.

   When something goes wrong believe that, this situation is going to benefit you in a long run. The moment of impediments teaches you many things like, patience, focus and determination. When you have trust in the efforts you are taking, nothing can stop you. When you feed your subconscious mind with such optimism, what stands in your way becomes the way. You just have to keep moving forward, though you are moving slowly. Your speed doesn’t matter, but the action does! Have the determination of achieving goals in life. Start your journey towards success slowly but surely!

Keep the wicked feelings away

 मना सांग पां रावणा काय जाले।

अकस्मात ते राज्य सर्वै बुडाले॥

म्हणोनी कुडी वासना सांड वेगीं।

बळे लागला काळ हा पाठिलागी ॥१३॥

As we have accepted that our mind is like a child, hence we need to know that we should teach our mind by giving it examples to make it understand the concepts we are trying to teach it. Samarth knew it that our mind is a speedy child and we need to make it understand how to be on the right track. 

    Here’s in his 13^thShloka, Samarth Ramdas Swami asks mind to stay away from the wicked feelings and nasty thoughts. The reason behind giving this suggestion is very clear that these feelings or thought process can destroy us. These things first destroy our mental peace and then destroy our happiness.

     To describe this concept, Samarth Ramdas Swami gives us an example of Ravana. He describes Ravana’s life in one shloka. Ravana was a great knowledgeable king of Lanka. He worshiped Shiva and gained some powers. Due to this, he used to behave wickedly and used to use his powers for destroying people’s lives. He made use of his powers for invalid reasons. Samarth warns mind by saying that look at Ravana, he misused his powers and you see what happened with him. Everything what he had was suddenly vanished.

    To avoid this type of incidences in your life, keep those wicked feelings away. Make your mind pure to accept the fact. Make yourself ready to accept the good. For that you need to keep your mind free for good things. When you open the doors of your mind, open them for welcoming positivity, happiness and gratitude. This is what Ramdas Swami says in this Shloka.